Oh, now I remember!
I’ve been shooting for 6 years freelance this coming January, and to be quite honest… I’m tired. Between working crazy hours with Victoria’s Secret and shooting as much as possible, sometimes I want to get as far from my camera and computer as I can. On a night like to tonight, getting home from the office at 1am then editing till 3am… I just wanna sleep for 10 hours and not wake up to do the same thing again and again.
While my last wedding was exporting I wandered into unknown folders on my hard drive to purge items that are making my computer run slow. I came across a little gem: All the photos I shot in the first year of owning a camera. and… HA! BAM! POW! …. There it is Ladies and Gentleman: My heart for photography. In the beginning. When I had NO IDEA what I was doing. And why I’m still doing it today.
A rush of memories came over me. Thinking I was going to be GREAT. This INCREDIBLE force of a woman photographer that will take OVER the world! Haha. Oh sweet memories. And in a sense, that did and is still happening in my own little world. Heck, I was already there in these shots. I didn’t need an award. Or a magazine cover. Or tons of cash. These images alone gave me the substance I needed to be more than happy. I lost that somewhere along the line. Somewhere my ego took over . And I suppose the need to feed myself , too. It’s easy to lose the sense of your passion when your passion is tied to your livelihood. Resentment and insecurities creep in.
So I wanted to share some of my VERY FIRST images I’ve taken. 
My first visit to LA. I saw these women. These… BEAUTIFUL women. The kind of women that you don’t normally see in the south. I went with my friend to a opening of some sort and was mesmerized by these beauties. After having a drink or two and striking up great conversation with the “oh-so-impressive” entrepreneurs of LA, I excused myself to use the ladies room. I watched as these woman fluttered in and out of the restroom reapplying lipstick. Then powder. Then teasing hair. Then adding blush… all of them. They just kept… “fixing” everything. An hour or so later, I went back to the restroom to find these same women coming in and there was NO “fixing” of any kind now. Nope. Just loudness. Wobbly. Mascara running. Ear piercing laughter. Drunk and crazy. They left the opposite of the “beauty” they came in with.
This was my first impression of Los Angeles night clubs and the felines that inhabit them.
This is Sara. I love shooting dark and engaging images. This was my first Fashion shoot. Still to this day, one of my favorites. It’s not Fashion at all. But I love it.
I had this image in my head 3 months or so before I took it. I was watching the rain one day and thought about freezing it. At night. With handsome men in the shot. Actually, the men weren’t in the INITIAL shot I had in my head, but it sure made for a great photo when it came to fruition. 
((Shout out THANKS to my little brothers for holding the water hose and the light just so! Knew you guys were good for somethin’ ))
What’s to say? On the beach. Sunset light. Said, “Lainee, look at me”. Done. She’s stunning.
My FIRST bridal shoot. AH! So sweet to look at these! One strobe I bought for 200.00. The rainbow was from the glare of the setting sun. A little contrast and vignetting is ALL that is done to this image. She said she wanted “a Lord of the Rings” look if I can remember right…? I’m bubbling with excitement right now.
Brock Gill. An Illusionist. My first “Promo Shoot” for $400.00. I nearly PUKED. I got on “Set” and saw over 20 people dressed in 1920′s attire. Scaffolding. And, in hand the two lights I borrowed from a friend and almost lost my lunch right where I stood. I was terrified. For the first 2 years of my freelancing, almost every shoot I walked into going… “What the HELL am I doing? I’m not a professional! They shouldn’t be paying me!”. Then as soon as I looked through the view finder… fear escaped as quickly as it came and I just fell into this moment of power and creativity.
I do remember that little boy in white. I think his name was Ty. Right before I snapped this, I looked at the boys as said, “OK guys… look at me with your MEANEST face! GRRRR!!”
So for all you photographers out there and aspiring photographers… try and remember your first shoot. Remember why you were there. Remember what it MEANS to be a photographer to you. It’s still you. You’ll get fed. I believe God blesses those that are passionate about what they do. Why wouldn’t He? He gave you that fire to begin with.
I totally love what you said, what you are doing and that you know the value of returning to yourself~
I am a huge and forever fan!